


Never Fade in the Dark

by windmill_of_death



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, Carlos in the Desert, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad, loads of other characters are mentioned, slightly happier ending than it could have been, sort of, the oc's only in it a little, then returning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-02 22:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2828546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windmill_of_death/pseuds/windmill_of_death
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin meets Carlos in the Desert. For owlsintophats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Fade in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Title from The Light Behind Your Eyes by MCR which i was listening to at the time and made the whole thing 10x more painful

The phone on the table began to ring. It said Carlos on the caller ID but it wasn’t his voice who answered.  
 _“Kevin? What are you doing? Why have you got Carlos' phone?”_  
 **“Carlos? Oh yeah, your scientist, I knew I recognised him, I'm sorry Cecil this isn't exactly what I wanted to give you for Christmas”**  
 _“Kevin, where's Carlos?”_  
 **“He's dead”**

Cecil hung up, he couldn't deal with Kevin's lies at the moment, he had a show to do and if Kevin wasn't going to put Carlos on the phone he wasn't going to bother trying, they could talk later. He put his phone on silent and began the show. He read from the sheet in front of him in his usual monotone voice, not thinking of anything in particular, the news wasn't very interesting today.  
When he finally switched to the weather, Cecil checked his phone once again. Four new texts from ~~Carlos~~ Kevin:  
 **“Cecil? I think my phone cut you off”**  
 **“I'm not lying Cecil, why would I lie to you?”**  
 **“Cecil answer your phone!!!!!!”**  
 **“The body's gone…”**  
He didn’t believe him, obviously, but the last one struck him as odd, why would Kevin say something like that? It doesn’t make his story any more believable. It just didn’t make any sense. But then again Kevin had never really made any sense to him. He put it out of his mind.

Kevin didn’t text him again, and there was no message from Carlos either. Cecil was only a little worried, his silence was always scary but there could be tons of reasons for it, it had happened before. They had gone 7 days without speaking once, it had been the longest week of all the full weeks Cecil could remember, which wasn’t very many but the point still stands, everything was most likely okay but Cecil was lonely.

He didn’t think about the texts for almost an entire day, the show had just finished and he was packing up his things, when his phone began to ring again. It was an unidentified number, maybe Carlos had found another phone? He hastily searched his pocket, why did jackets need so many? When he finally answered he was greeted by a rich, deep voice - not Carlos.  
 _ **“Um hello, Mr Palmer?”**_  
 _“That’s me, who's calling?_  
 _ **“I’m Dr Stanley, from Night Vale General”**_ , Cecil’s heart stopped, the hospital wasn’t allowed to call citizens except in emergencies, communication between doctors and the outside world was very heavily monitored, _ **”I’m calling to tell you, um, there’s no easy way to say this, uh, President Sultan was taking a role through the Sand Wastes and she... found a body… Cecil I’m so sorry, we did all we could but he was dead when we found him”**_  
Cecil took in a breath, his mind was empty of all feeling and all he could do was croak out _“who, who's dead?”_ Although he already knew the answer, he would never be able to forgive himself for giving up so easily. The words fell out of the doctor’s mouth, slowly, carefully, but far too easily for Cecil to bare. He hung up the phone as she was halfway through saying his name, the beautiful, perfect name that had always sounded slightly wrong in anyone else’s voice but Cecil’s own.

The hours that followed were a blur of white coats (he refused to call them labcoats) and sincere but empty words of apology and pity. Stabbed through the heart. These words batted around his head so loudly that every other sound was almost drowned out, even years later those four words lay at the back of his head, emerging in the darkest nights, the loneliest days. He longed for rage, a desire for revenge against the one who had taken Carlos away from him, but he knew he had already been gone, that had happened long before Kevin’s knife, he just wanted something to distract him from the pain, and worse the regret he was feeling, he should have tried harder. There was no doubt that Carlos had loved him. He would always be certain of that, and that’s what hurt the most, he will constantly be plagued by what-might-have-beens. If Carlos had never gone through that door, if they had never started that rebellion, if only he had tried harder to show the universe that Carlos did belong in Night Vale, with him. A part of him thought it would have been better if Carlos had never come to Night Vale, yes Cecil’s life would have been almost utterly meaningless and he would have turned into some corporate tool with not an original thought in his head, but at least his Carlos would get to live, but not _his_ Carlos, maybe even someone else’s Carlos. The thought made Cecil want to cry, but in the end who cares where happiness comes from?

The funeral was what had to come next. He knew what Carlos wanted (every citizen of Night Vale was required to state their post-death wishes upon entering the town), a small ceremony, closed-casket, he had wanted his family to be there but no one could contact them, Cecil added this to his long list of regrets that had been occurring to him since Carlos’ death. He wished he’d bothered to ask him more about his past.

Very few people turned up. His team of scientists (who had not spoken to Cecil since he told them the news), Old Women Josie (and a couple of Not-Angels), John Peters (you know- the farmer?), Janice (and regrettably Steve) and a few others. All in all Cecil was disappointed in his home town. This wasn’t some intern who had died in a freak accident, nor a normal citizen who had unknowingly wandered into the dog park, this was Carlos, the scientist who had touched the hearts of so many of Night Vale’s residents, who had saved their lives countless times, who always smiled at them even when he knew they wouldn’t smile back. They never smiled back. It all began to form in Cecil’s mind, the only people Carlos really spoke to were his scientists and people he knew through Cecil. That was when the rage finally hit him. The people in the town didn’t love him, just because he was an interloper, they were so ungrateful after all he had done for them, they were probably the reason the universe thought he didn’t belong there, the reason he didn’t want to come back, and Cecil hadn’t even seen it. He had thought they all loved him, because they would be foolish not to.

Long after everyone had left, he found himself wandering alone again. He wasn’t supposed to be out this late but he realised he didn’t care anymore, he just kept walking. First to a shop, then back to the radio station, to the men’s bathroom, the only place he could be free from sympathetic glances but wasn’t alone.

Khoshekh nuzzled his back as Cecil stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, face pale, eyes red and dim. He poured himself a glass of whiskey, watching it splash over the sides and onto the clear white marble beneath. He held it just below eye level, admiring the shimmer of the surface of the amber liquid and the way the light split when it was held at a certain angle. He stood like that for a long time, relishing in the comfortably familiar feeling of the glass in his hand whilst thinking about what he was going to do. He hungered for this, to be set free for just one night, to be found next morning passed out on the bathroom floor, becoming the next in a long list of alcohol abusers that no one will even remember in 50 years, but he wouldn’t. He looked into his own eyes one last time before placing the glass back down, he didn’t want to forget Carlos.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mean to make it this sad, it just happened. I usually write fluff. Please leave a comment or kudos cause the only person whose given me feedback is my brother and he's never even heard an episode of night vale.


End file.
